I’ve been drawn to Joshua Tree for a long time.

In truth, I’m still seeking my Dad as a person, to his soul.

I lost him just as he started showing me his secret files. You know, the good stories, the trouble, the “Don’t tell Mom I told you this.” Frankly, I was also starting to show him my cards. I was finally getting honest advice because I started to include the details.

It became clear I’m like him, from mischief to music, our coffee and height. So to know more about him is to know more about myself. 

I rented an incredible house in the middle of the Yucca Valley. Painfully tasteful, and filled with photography books and vinyl. I was in heaven.

I woke up with the sun, would dance barefoot in the desert, and didn’t mind the cactus needles (Glochids, as adults would say). I left the doors open and let the The Cars and Bronski Beat on vinyl drift outside. 

I took a lot of photos of the exact same thing because everything looks so good, and maybe I forgot I already took that photo. 

Joshua Tree is exactly what you would expect, and at the same time you cannot see it coming. It’s a mood. It feels like you are Fred Flintstone. I was basically driving my Hyundai Accent rental with my feet.

You keep thinking you got the perfect shot, and then the sun changes ever so slightly and you start all over again.

THE SIGNAGE in Joshua Tree is amazing. Butts and Cracks and Bananas. 

It’s also super direct, like “Turn around, don’t drown” and “Do not die today”. First off, I cannot believe I didn’t die. Second, don’t tell me what to do. 

I climbed Ryan Mount.

It’s actually “Ryan Mountain” but I got bored about 3/4 of the way to the top and turned around. I don’t need the peak, okay? I do, need to walk back down because I am hungry for tacos. I was alone, like why not. 

I am not a hiker. I climb things to see pretty stuff, take photos, and eat too many edibles when all I had for lunch was 2 cupcakes.

As I was puddle jumping down Ryan Mount and loudly singing the “Guts” theme song like a moron, I ran into this incredible stranger: Joe

I dropped all my crap on the ground and immediately started badgering him with questions about virtually everything. 

You know the kid who asks too many questions while you are trying to fix a car? That’s me. I’m just really curious.

I have never seen a telescope camera in real life, and this is one of the, if not the most beautiful night skies I have ever seen. 

What’s better: he’s also into Astronomy. So he can tell me what I am looking at tooooooo. 

He’s a firefighter by day, and stargazer by night. I love the juxtaposition of his lifestyle. 

We share a lighter for his cigarette and my joint. I learn all about him, our solar system, and how to photograph it at night. 

I saved downtown Palm Springs for the hottest hours of the day. The first place I went to was literally my dream shop and job.

 Gré Coffee House & Art Gallery: Art, coffee, records, and it’s owned by an incredible woman, Kelly, and her husband. They are both photographers, insanely talented, and fascinating to chat with. 

The women who work there are also just as dynamic, and blow my mind with their vinyl collection sizes.

Like I assume they cannot move. Ever again. I am also jealous. 

Jim is just down the street at House of Positive Vibes

Another incredible space filled with art, photography, vintage playboys (god I love them), books, etc. 

I love every story he shares with me, and ask him relentless questions about his subjects, his life, his career, etc. He is good. Like golden soul good. He’s blessed, he knows it, and he’s gracious. No wonder he landed an incredible woman like Kelly. 

I love these people. 

The next shop I stumbled into was Music Heals. Records, instruments, and a nonprofit supporting music education.

I made the mistake of telling the owner, Jason, I have “audience anxiety”. Aka if someone wants to perform in any capacity in front of me, I go into a panic, hide my face, etc. I have literally gotten into my car and sped away from my own home to avoid Christmas carolers. 

(But you love concerts) THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

Naturally, he pulls his rhinestone guitar off the wall, and wrote a song off the cuff, on basically how insane I am. I hid behind my hair and begged him to stop but honestly, I am pretty impressed by how he wrote the song with only the context clues I had given.

Additional fun facts:

1. Jason knows and works with Xhibit. In case you were wondering, he is doing great. Good for you, Xhibit. 

2. He’s selling an INXS album for $80 bucks and I think its a solid power move.

Jason, if you ever run into Drake, you can let him know exactly what I think of him. 

Unrelated:

Would you believe that i received not one, but two free joints in one day? What a town.

Kelly recommended Pappy and Harriet’s, and OH MY GOD.

Great food and drinks and all that but you need to know that this place has seen some serious acts. 

I’m talking Paul. 

Eric Burdon & The Animals, Lucinda Williams, Lorde, Robert Plant. Modest Mouse is playing tonight, in fact.

Right here, in the middle of the desert, next to a Pioneer Town.

I walked around a Pioneertown listening to music, smoking and shooting weird photos.

I whispered “i’m your huckleberry” to myself, a lot. 

Eventually, I walked out of Pioneertown and find myself standing at this small altar, at the entrance of what appears to be an abandoned corral. 
 
Honestly, amid all my other life changes, I have become far more spiritual. Feel free to ask what that means, since I am sure it’s not what you think, lol.
 
But I happened to have tiny quartz crystal in my pocket, and it felt right.
 
I squeezed all of my pain, regrets, anger, additional BS into this crystal, and set it on the windowsill with other travelers offerings.
 
So yes, I left a bunch of my bullshit at the front door of the “OK Corral”, and the irony is not lost on me. 

If I found an herb grinder that was in the shape of a hoagie, I would buy it. 

I also think we should start guessing what a baby will be like at their baby shower, and the mom should save all the submissions and reflect on who was right. Whoever is the closest gets an Olive Garden gift card. 

I would guess that every kid would become a serial killer. Eventually, I’d win. 

I enjoyed tacos and margaritas with a group of early 20’s social media influencers, a fashion designer, and their photographer. 
 
The only table available when I arrived was a 12-top. So I’m sitting there looking like Carrie Bradshaw when everybody forgot her fucking birthday, when this swarm of gorgeous kids ask to join me. I was grateful to not look like a psycho at a massive table, but now I looked like their chaperone. f. 
 
At first I just listen to the girls discussing their shoot earlier in the day, breaking every few minutes to discuss boys around us, giving them nicknames, deciding on who to approach, etc. They sounded exactly like me and my friends at that age. It was as if I was a fly on the wall in my past, but these women are so much more fashionable than me and they have their shit together.
 
and not “for only 22 years old”. They have their shit together for any age. They are thriving, they know what they want, they know what they do not want. They are so fucking inspiring. And for some reason at some point, their attention turns to me and we spend the next couple hours drinking margaritas, laughing, and talking about my life back home.
 
I deeply connected with one of these women. Her father was her compass too, and she was still processing the loss. She asked me questions that I wish somebody would’ve answered for me when I was her age. She asked questions I should have asked. Oy. I spent the next 48 hours worried I gave them terrible advice. Oh hey, as I write this, it’s back for an encore.

I’m gonna need you to fully prepare yourself for the biggest, sexiest, Tom Selleck inspired cowboy I have ever seen. 

The dream:

Look at that tall drink of water.

His suggestive ax-free hands.

A strong beard against the late afternoon sky.

The hooks on his shoulders, suggesting he was Operation Dumbo Dropped into the Yucca Valley. 

and from where?

and where is his ax?

Does he think of me, too?

A world famous crochet museum. 

The even provide their worldwide street cred receipts on their site.

The rocking horse gave me a warm reception. 

The Sun Alley Shops

Vintage leather boots, flower pots, mustard yellow linens, a folk magik apothecary and live music. 

Virtually every artist, shop owner and soul in this space was incredible. 

There was even a gorgeous grey puppers beeebeee that wanted his photo taken. 

I asked for a job. 

My girl Anessa didn’t want her photo taken, which makes sense because she is a photographer like me, lol. She sold me the best pair of leather boots and bucket bag for my treasures. She’s hilariously honest and funny.

She has a super pleasing malachite crystal that is for sale, but isn’t, because she doesn’t want to part with it yet, which I get. 

I vow to return and be her friend asap. probably buy more boots. 

This beautiful person is Alejandro, and he runs the aesthetically pleasing Geode and Gypsum shop that I plan on buying a blanket from, as soon as I have money or wiggle room on my credit card. (Mark my word, it will be mine. Tell Anessa I am buying her blanket too).

Virtually everything he sells is beautiful and soothing. Like way to curate the hell out of a space. <3

This gorgeous woman runs the Ramblin’ Rose with her partner and the magnificent grey puppers (photographed a scroll above).

After I googled the shop, I found she is also versed in folk magik, divination, astro alchemy & venusian dreamscapes. If none of that makes sense to you, google them, they real cool.

Once I can book another flight out, I’ll be on her doorstep begging for friendship and knowledge.

What a dreamboat.

Beauty Bubble Salon and Museum sent me into 1989 at my grandma’s hair salon.

Like I was in light up shoes, excited to get a piece of cheese from Giant Eagle in 20 minutes.

The smell. Holy smokes. A time machine.

PLUS THERE ARE BARBIES EVERYWHERE. which i like.

Jeff owns this unique salon and is just as special as his creation.

Devastatingly enough, he was not in the shop when I returned the next day with my camera.

I assure you, he’s beautiful inside and out. 

^^This is the weird pose every uncomfortable guy makes when he asks me what to do with his hands in portraits.^^

I call it the T-rex. Now I will visualize this. heheheheh.

Just like a couple things:

Hyundai accents handle desert terrain remarkably better than anticipated. sound system still sucks.

The playlist I listened to when hiking alone was inspired by serial killers, so if I got murdered in the desert, it would at least be ironic. 

The night before my flight, I drove through Joshua Tree with my windows down and music playing. 

I took night shots with the wrong lens and a cactus/the hood of my car as a tripod. But composure aside, this place is magic. It’s eery, beautiful and kinda disorienting, so that’s what I was going for with these shots. 

I didn’t see any coyotes but I did see a Roadrunner and a Scrub Jay, which is also how I would describe myself in California. 

Am I afraid to travel alone?
 
Honestly, no more than when I’m in Pittsburgh. I could blow a tire in the middle of Joshua Tree at 11pm after I wrapped a night shoot. I could also break down after a wedding at a farm 2 hours away from home with no service as well. I could be attacked in Palm Springs, or Pittsburgh.
 
It’s unlikely, it’s not impossible, and there are ways for me to be prepared and aware. The same way I am in Pittsburgh. So am I scared? Hell yeah but I’m ears up all the time, might as well do it under the full harvest moon in the desert. 

The photographer of my self portraits when I am on solo adventures:

  1. I use a timer
  2. new friends along the way
  3. your mom

A magician never reveals his secrets or whatever, but my favorite trick before I pose for a self portrait is I think of someone I truly love.

I loathe fake smiles, especially mine.

Thank you to everyone that makes me feel like sunshine.