I flew into Phoenix, and floored it to the Grand Canyon just in time for sunset. Once the sun checked out, I continued north towards Utah.

I had the (almost) full moon shining through the pines to my left and small controlled fires to my right.

I will never forget this life changing 30 minutes. I was exhausted and starving, but so freaking happy. And that set the tempo for the entire trip.

Okay but wait, lemme go back to the GC.

Look I realize you told me it was amazing. I knew it was a natural wonder of the world.

I am saying, the Grand Canyon blew my mind. I was so prepared to be amazed by the vastness, but the real jaw dropper was the quiet.
 
I’ve never heard anything like it. It’s almost unnerving, because you are looking at something so enormous that your eyes trick your brain, like it should be loud, like an ocean. But it’s massive and silent.
 
I didn’t even want to photograph because the click of my shutter felt invasive.
 
I watched the sunset from my left as the moon prepared for the night shift to my right.

I also got to rip a hell of a Joe Dirt joke with a park ranger, who laughed hysterically and said “No one has ever said that to me before.”

Anyone who knows me, is aware that i just laid down and died because that’s the best compliment you can give me. 

Wait hold up, some chick got way too close to the edge and almost fell into the effing thing. the whole grand canyon. Come on. 

The next morning, I took off for Bryce Canyon.

When I stopped at the Red Arch road bridge, I met another solo traveling photographer.

Since I have no boundaries, I asked him if I could tag along, because I had no plans and he seemed like a guy with a map. 

Truthfully, I am a portrait photographer. Nothing made this more painfully clear to me than traveling alone.

I love tripping over my feet and daydreaming quietly around new places.

But I really miss someone smiling at me in front of said pretty places. So I was thrilled when Mike said I could go with him.  

In addition to Mike being a photographer, he also likes to trade hypothetical questions. Great news, I’ve got a WEALTH of these.  

After a bunch of introductory q’s, we dug into the biggies. He asked me “What are you looking for?” and I unfortunately went into hyper mode and used a million words instead of the only one I needed, and that is “fun”.

That’s it, fun. It was one of those times when you know the word, but describe it a hundred different ways but you can’t remember that specific word. 

Then this tricky sob answered me back with my own answer that i couldn’t find. Fun. But at this point, I couldn’t back track without looking like an idiot. But guess what? He agreed that he would rather live in outer space than the bottom of the ocean, so I can steal “fun”. Deal with it, hoser.

And yeah that’s it. Fun. Fun with anyone and everyone. Looking at records, hiking or whatever, sharing music and stories and what if’s and lessons learned. People to eat food with who like to laugh too loud.

Wanna dance like a moron? Me too.

Wanna see a concert and then eat an 8 inch Italian hoagie? Obviously.

I love finding fun on my own, but I would also like to share my wild with other people. People that keep me on my toes. People that make me laugh. Know how to hike this trail or know where to get some chicken tendies.

Someone to take my picture. Just one is great. And I’ll take 8 million of you, because I love taking portraits. So I’m looking for subjects, too. I’m looking for hungry people. Metaphorically and literally. God I love crepes. If you like 24/7 breakfast it’s a bonus but not a requirement.

New music. Insights and experiences.

Periodically moments of not being sure if I’ll survive or not but definitely escape unscathed because I have usually good luck I assume as a sorry for migraines. I want to sky dive. I want adventure through cities, mountains, and beaches. Touches of chaos here and there.

Is this my idea of fun? I guess, yeah.

Here are some thoughts on food:

I firmly believe that tomatoes are an excellent ingredient, but suck when solo. They have limitless potential, otherwise. 
 
Are enchiladas and meat manicotti cousins?
 

Unrelated to food, this is the Coral Pink Sand Dunes State Park. I was the only person there, so I felt like Zendaya. 

Did you know Dune is a remake of the movie “Tremors”, but they’re in outer space, everyone has great cheekbones and there’s not even 1 degree of Kevin Bacon. 

Why are my nails always black? 
 

Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” music video featuring Helena Christensen.

It was 1989, I was three, and honestly I’m confused why anyone who has seen this video doesn’t have black nails. 

(“That’s a black and white video, maybe they weren’t black.”)

Spoiler alert: my nails aren’t black, they’re the darkest shade of purple before black. Use your illusion.

Hey, that’s Glen Canyon. ^^^^^^

Okay, now Upper Antelope:

I saw Antelope Canyon in a book in elementary school and knew I would grow up to see it someday. 

The Navajo name for the upper AC is “Tsé bighánílíní”. There is a large movement to change it back to it’s original name and I really hope it happens. 

Originally, I was bummed I needed to go with a tour. But our guide is a native and knew everything from the history to the right angles for photos.

He even ripped on androids. 

I was really glad to have my mask. I had the dumbest smile on my face, while I quietly cried. I just couldn’t believe I was standing there.

It is making me go back into my other kiddo wishes and dig out more dream destinations. 

I couldn’t get wide enough at Horseshoe Bend, so I stitched 3 photos in the messiest way possible just so you get the idea.

There are absolutely ways I could try to make this really good in photoshop but meh. Maybe another day.

But I saw it and it was awesome. 

I met a brother and sister driving across the states. They were racing back to the car from horseshoe and I knew I should introduce myself.

All I could think about was how much I hope Elliott travels with Lex and Serena. Seriously nothing would make me happier. If they can’t afford it I’ll throw into the pot. I hope they invite me once in a while, even if for just a couple days. I can’t wait until they are old enough to travel with me. The age is “when you can hold your bladder and backpack.” 

“Don’t you miss your kids?”
 
First off, I resent that. Obviously. 
But I also miss meeting new people, seeing new things and trying new things. I want them to do the exact same thing. If that’s weird for you, I’m sorry.
There’s a lot of mom concepts I’m not into. The day drinking wine thing? Yeah I don’t think casual alcoholism is cool. 
 
So know I call them a lot. I force Alex to take their photos and FaceTime me. It’s usually during meals, when I wake up or go to sleep. I buy them treasures from all over the world and from different cultures. This time I brought them arrowheads in their favorite colors. I brought my maps home, because Ellie collects mine and Alex’s adventures, and plans is own. 
I really hate songs with sirens in them. I like to speed and it feels personal. I think the spike in anxiety isn’t necessary. I’m sure they don’t appreciate it either. Like you know they jump when they hear a siren too. Fools. 
 
Ned Schnebly was an excellent fictional character name
 
What’s better than Rick Ross saying words that end with an “s”? Masterpieceeeeeeeeee.
 
I think about Harry and the Henderson’s on a very regular basis. The woody station wagon. Harry eating the corsage. Jon Lithgow on general. The mean guy with the gun. And I always think about the smell, and that’s why I would go with ET over Harry. I’m sure they both have odd smells but the size to smell ratio makes more sense. Plus the hair factor. 
 
Dale Denton has a “beat it” bumper sticker on his Cadillac 😂😂
 

^^Check out these lovebird ice cream sandwiches, just soaking up the sun and not melting. Good for them.

Some hiker told me it would be hard for me to be found since I’m in all black, but that’s what I’m going for so jokes on him.

I love the moon so much.

I also, for the life of me can’t photograph it properly. 

I tried.

Did you know that when you drive away with the gas pump still in your car, it just unplugs? It doesn’t rip off like I thought. Great day for a lesson.

I witnessed a guy wearing a Washington Redskins hat around the Navajo Nation.

There’s a billboard that says “save brains, talk to your children about marijuana”

I mentally cackle every single time someone mentions the words “rim” or “gulch” and that is a lot in this part of the country. 

I made a quick stop on the way to Sedona in Flagstaff for lunch and meandering. While bouncing around between shops, I met James. 

He blocked the wind for me, and we got to talking. At some point in the conversation, we fell on my favorite trigger topic: addiction. Before I could recoil into my shell, I felt motivated to have that conversation. There were a lot of big feelings and hard stories shared. We shared our perspectives in the world of mayhem that is dependency. 

I finally tried out something I have had tumbling around in my head for the last few months:

My father lost his battle with addiction. He was a victim of the opioid epidemic. He, like many other people were told they weren’t addictive. He battled, but unfortunately rebounded with alcohol. He fought like hell to stay sober, but it ultimately took his life. It took him from me.  It also created a devastating and dark vacuum of grief that I have spent the past 8+ years trying to rectify. 

I shared my new outlook on addiction with James:

People live with health conditions. Many of us receive medical diagnosis’s that change the rest of our life.

They range from living with minor asthma, to living with type 2 diabetes. Some people live with cancer and some people live with endometriosis. 

My dad spent his last years living with addiction. When he was able to fight his way back to sobriety, he lived in a 24/7 game called “don’t use”, in addition to literally every other life problem. 

This has helped me to process, heal and also start to fight for the reputation of people who have become chemically dependent. 

I will never deny redemption to someone who could crawl out of the hell that is addiction. and if/when they relapse, i’ll be ready with a life raft. I’ve learned some of my worst lessons two or four times before it stuck. So i get it.

On a lighter note:

Did you know Pluto was discovered in Flagstaff? It’s also the only planet to be discovered in the United States. AND THEY TOOK IT AWAY. 

I honestly was exhausted at the end of every day. I woke up usually before sunrise and did as much as I could. Not because I had to, but because I was just so excited to drink it all in. 

Seriously, look how tired I am in this photo, lol:

I met Ana and Ryan at the Devil’s Bridge Trailhead. I quickly became their stowaway, but promised photos at the top. Once we got to the top, I met Taylor and Jose, on their second anniversary. They mentioned they were disappointed they didn’t hire a photographer while in Sedona, and I whipped my camera out because their lucky daaaaaaaay.

We all got to talking, and decided I should sit at  Devil’s Bridge with a jar and a sign that says “photo 5 bucks”.

I’d buy a 4×4 go cart, drive to the climbing/steps and hike the last bit to work. Just crushing sandwiches and pringles with my beloved hydration pack, smoking j’s from sunrise to sunset. Little laptop just syncing as I deliver immediately. WHAT a gig.

I hiked out of Devils Bridge with this couple in their mid twenties. We hit it off instantaneously when she said: “The majority of my humor was developed my Mike Myers movies.” She went on to tell me they were Austin Powers and a femme bot for Halloween. She also had the exact same taste in music as me. I was literally so moved I offered her the marijuanas and the snacks and candy. All my best new friend gifts.

At some point she realized they lost their car, and would probably be late to the airport, but we continued to walk leisurely and enjoy our chat as her poor boyfriend walked with tense shoulders, and I realize it was me and Alex, minus 10 years. I’m kicking myself for not shooting a photo of her, but I was just so happily engaged in convo. But she was absolutely beautiful and had long blond hair. I hope they made it to their flight back to the east coast.

In the evening I would watch the sunset from whatever Airbnb I snagged and melted into deck furniture. 

I’m happy.